Music Week (Day 7)

April 20, 2011 § Leave a comment

Whew, my last day of Music Week is finally here!!

I tried to mix it up and put some of the songs I like from different genres. I’ll refrain from calling them my favourites because I’m in love with tooooooo many songs to give that title to these seven. I’m definitely in-like with them though. And I didn’t go down the Tupac road, because I might have just ended up with Music Year 🙂

I like being exposed to new music so feel free to post/email me suggestions or links or whatever, yeah?

Today’s song represents what hip hop means to me. Maybe not literally because I can’t honestly say that I ‘grew up’ with hip hop, or it was my saving grace or whatever BUT, and this is a big but (he he), the lyrics, the story, the creativity, the double entendres, the emotions, THAT’s what hip hop is to me. Not the meaningless shit you hear from every tom, dick and harry who thinks he’s cool because he incessantly repeats the word nigga and talks about money and bitches and pussy (though we all know quite a number of them aren’t exactly what we’d call straight). And being ‘gangsta’. Shudder. To me, hip hop has to have actual meaning to qualify as hip hop. It’s basically poetry set to a beat. And I don’t think hip hop lovers are restricted any one group. True music should move you regardless of your usual preferences and what you like to get down to on the dance floor or whatev, because real music speaks to your soul and isn’t dependent on language, or style, or upbringing, or class, or anything as superficial as that. Yeah, okay, semi-rant? Done.

I’m posting 2 videos to the song. The first is the ordinary (but still lovely) video that is generally played, and the second is the one with Erykah Badu’s rap and is the version I prefer, although it refuses to play on wordpress. So yeah.

Oh, and in case you’re not reading the lyrics while listening to the song – the yellow is Erykah, the red is Common. And the orange, of course, is Ms. Badu’s rap. And for some reason WP won’t let me double space my writing, so that’s why the verses are like all over the place – at least the different alignments allows there to be some sort of demarcation.

Music Week? CHECK! 🙂

LOVE OF MY LIFE (ODE TO HIP HOP)

Erykah Badu featuring Common

I met him when I was a little girl

He gave me poetry and he was my first

But in my heart I knew, I wasn’t the only one

‘Cause when the tables turned he had to break up

Whenever I got lonely, needed some advice

He gave me his shoulder, his words were very nice

That is all behind me,

‘Cause now there is no other

My love is his, and his is mine

My friend became my…

Love of my life, you are my friend

Love of my life, I can depend

Love of my life, without you baby

Feels like I sampled true love

Well my name is Apples and I rock your world

I’m also known as the Gucci girl

Well, I’m super-cute and plenty bad

30-26-36 and a half

I hope that you will realize

I got the hazel eyes that’ll hypnotize

And knock you to your knees

Make you eat cheese

You’ll be so helpless you’ll be beggin’ me please

A freak, freak y’all and you don’t stop

To the beat y’all and you don’t stop

A freak, freak

Oh, could it be that it was all just so simple then?

A teenage love but you said, “He’s just a friend.”

He moved around and we kept in touch through his friend Mike

The world was young and we knew we couldn’t rush

But whenever I got lonely, or needed some advice

He gave me his shoulder, his words were very nice

That is all behind me

‘Cause now there is no other

My love is his, and his is mine

My friend became my…

Love of my life, you are my friend

Love of my life, on you I can depend

Love of my life, without you baby

Feels like I sampled true love, yeah

Mission and clear

Y’all know how I met her –

We broke up and got back together

To get her back, I had to sweat her

Thought she rolled with bad boys forever

In many ways them boys made it better

To grow, I had to let her

She needed cheddar, and I understood that

Looking for cheese, that don’t make her a hood rat

In fact she’s a queen to me, her light beams on me

I love it when she sings to me

It’s like that and uh

You know you rock my world

You be boy, and I be girl

It don’t stop until the break of dawn

And it don’t stop, cuz it can’t quit, cuz it can’t wait


and the one with the short rap


Twenteen

March 7, 2011 § Leave a comment

And so today I get to interrupt Music Week just to say

TO

 

This being my first birthday away from home, I’ve insisted that I don’t want to do anything. I’ve taken it down from all the social networking sites I belong to, and I’m just going to let the day pass (although carefully observing who my true friends are, of course).

So why am I writing about it here? Because, first of all

 

and so

 

…including making this (kinda) ugly post with nearly no colour (even though I’m a colour-freak) which I shall probably come to regret.

But after skyping with my entire nuclear family (minus my brother – whom I shall NOT forgive if I don’t hear from by the end of the night), and being sung for over the phone by my grandfolks all the way in goddamn Shianda, Kakamega, Kenya all within the first 2 hours of my day, I’m kinda over-flowing with happiness and appreciation and LOVE for the people close to me… *content sigh*

I’m not even going to edit any grammatical errors today, I’m just leaving it like this.

I LOVE MY FAMILY.

 

(to be continued…)

Skins – Tony

June 22, 2010 § 5 Comments

Tony StonemMeet Tony Stonem. Popular, intelligent, handsome, the boy all teachers and parents love, the choir boy. Oh, and he’s a sociopath too. Tony likes to fuck around with everyone around him, especially his best friend and his girlfriend. You know the ones who actually tolerate him and still love him? Yeah, them. Tony is a prick. No lie. Sir Douchebaggery himself. His capacity to emotionally abuse people should be considered a talent. And just when you start to hate him. No, just when you start to hate him MORE, he turns around and does something that makes you just want to hold him as you weep together *sigh* I think everyone falls for Tony at some point. My moment came when Effy overdosed, and those cunts were trying to make him sleep with her. His pain was tangible, you know? Ah, Tony…

Then in the finale of season 1, Tony seems to finally be growing up. He’s talking to Michelle on the phone and tells her he loves her. TONY STONEM! Oh, but then he gets hit by a bus. Fun.

Change. It’s a wonderful thing. You know how subatomic particles don’t obey physical laws? They act according to chance, chaos, coincidence. They run into each other in the middle of the universe somewhere and BANG! Energy. Well, it’s the same as that. That’s the great thing about the universe – it’s unpredictable. That’s why it’s so much fun.

Season 2 is tough. Tony’s basically forgotten everything about anything. The break between seasons lets us skip passed all the primary healing that he needs to go through, but his pain isn’t in any way lessened. He needs to start from scratch and it isn’t easy. Suddenly, the boy wonder has lost everything. His friends aren’t as present as they should be (and who can really blame them? It’s tough), he can’t remember his girlfriend, he can’t even write his NAME. But you know what? It makes for a much better Tony. Some aspects of his character don’t change, but we heart this Tony. We really do 🙂

Also, how hot was it when he fucked that girl at the uni? Rawr!

A wise man once said, life moves pretty fast. If you dont stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it…and that would be a shame.

I’m not going to go fully into everyones’ character. This is just basic. So do yourself a favour and go watch Skins. You want to. Trust me.

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

June 8, 2010 § Leave a comment

You,

I’ve known you since I was five. You’ve had a countless number of positions in my life – classmate, neighbour, partner-in-crime, family friend, lover, best friend… You mean more to me than you’ll ever know because I’m unable to express the emotions you invoke in me. 13 years of friendship down the line, I’ve written you more letters than I can remember, but I’ve never written the most important one. An apology letter. Maybe one day I’ll stop being such a chicken-shit and I’ll actually show this to you, because that’s the least you deserve from me…

I don’t even know where I should start with this. I know I’ve hurt you almost beyond repair. I see it each time you look at me, and it kills me. Yet I know I don’t even deserve to let you know how much you hurting cuts me up. That’s my punishment, my karma, for everything I’ve done.

We’ve had a lot of adventures over the years, haven’t we? Our first alcoholic drinks 🙂 I think we were 9 then. Vodka neat. We were such ninjas 🙂 And we were what? 10 when we smoked for the first time? Remember how we promised each other that we would NEVER ever get addicted to cigarettes? We were supposed to be there for each other in case the temptation ever became too much. I failed you, and I’m sorry. I see you inhale pack after pack, and I hate it. It doesn’t help that I don’t want to be just another person on the list of lecture-givers and so I barely say anything about your habit. I’ll say it now though – I HATE that you’re a smoker because I know what it’s doing to your body. And I know if you wanted to quit, you could. But you don’t really want to, do you? Not enough anyway. If I could take it all back, that first trip to the shop, that first puff, I would. In a heartbeat. Maybe if I’d never been so willing, maybe if I’d had the common-sense to recognize it as a bad idea, maybe you wouldn’t be blackening your lungs every day. And maybe it wouldn’t make a difference either way. I’m still sorry though.

I’m sorry I could never see just how deeply depressed you were. That I was too selfish to see how much YOU were hurting, that I could only see how WE were struggling. I’m sorry that we fought so much, and that you cried so often. I’m sorry that I never took your threats of suicide seriously enough. And that night when we were sitting outside and you told me how you were going to end it all? That night when it finally hit home that you were not even remotely kidding? I’m sorry that YOU had to comfort ME. And that I never coherently told you why you were too valuable to lose. What if you hadn’t changed your mind?? I think about that sometimes. How you’d never have known just how much you meant to me and to everyone around you. I was your best friend, and I should have been able to MAKE you see what I saw. That was my duty, and I failed you. Again.

I keep repeating the same words over and over – I’m sorry. I hope that doesn’t make them lose any meaning, because I really am. Sorry, I mean.

I’m sorry that I thought that you only had to make the decision to keep living once. I thought healing starts immediately after the first conscious decision. But it doesn’t, does it? I ignored all the signs after that. I mean, I knew you were still depressed, and it only made more sense when you were actually diagnosed, but I don’t know why I thought that suicide was no longer even an option. You broke my heart when you told me that it was still a very possible ending to your story. You know that, right? I’ve never felt more pain than I did then. I now know that heartbreak is a physical thing as much as it is emotional. And I know sometimes you think I’m indifferent to you, and that’s why I have to say this now. I can imagine nothing worse than losing you. And that time you run away and your dad called me, I thought you had done it, and I felt like I was dying. I love you more than I love myself. And it’s a deep blinding love. You need to know that.

I still stand by what I said though. If nothing helps, if the pills and the friends by your side, and therapy and anything else you try don’t help. If you truly feel there is NO other option. If it ever reaches that point that it is truly and honestly beyond you, I free you from accountability to me. Because I’d rather carry the weight of that hurt on my shoulders for the rest of my life, than to have you carry it. I don’t know how to put this in a polite way, but I know you know what I mean. Because I’ve said it to you before.

I’m crying as I write this. And I’m scared because I know I’m about to reach the hardest part of this apology. And I know that this is long. But I don’t think we’ve ever been able to minimize on words when we needed to be honest with each other. And I need to be honest with you now.

Most of all And finally, most importantly, I’m sorry that I couldn’t love you the way that you deserved to be loved. I’m sorry that you had to suffer with me and all my numerous issues. I’m sorry that I’m so closed up, and I’m sorry that I can’t let you love me the way you want to. Because I’m not worth it. I know you feel like you should argue with me on that, but there’s no need to. I’m simply stating a fact. I’m not saying I’m undeserving of love, I’m saying that I’m unworthy of YOUR love. And that’s why I always run from you. I’m sorry I broke your heart, I wish you knew how much I hate myself for that. It was, and still is, the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I push you away because I want you to stop loving me. Because I NEED you to stop loving me. I wish for once you’d stop being so stubborn and hard-headed.

This letter is so mixed up now. I think it says everything I wanted to say though – that I’m sorry for failing you as a friend and as more, and that I recognize that you deserve so much more. I just need you to recognize it too. And if you open your pretty eyes and look around you, you’ll see that there are so many people who want to and can love you the way you should be loved. I’m here for you. And I’m trying to change so that that statement actually MEANS something. I want you to read this, and you will. You’re the only person I’d consider going un-anonymous for. I’ve already written the email that’ll link you here. It’ll send on your birthday. September 13th 🙂 I hope that this doesn’t open up any old wounds, but I know we’re similar in that our old hurts never quite heal over. So I’m writing this so you can get closure – so you can see why I do what I do. You said you’ll wait for me. Please don’t.

Happy birthday.

I love you, and I’ll never stop.

Me.

Often it is the most deserving people who cannot help loving those who destroy them.

– Herman Hesse

What Is The Difference

April 9, 2010 § Leave a comment

between your heart breaking, and your ego being, not bruised, but shall we say horrifically damaged? Yeah, I like that. Horrifically damaged.

so

November 24, 2009 § 5 Comments

just finished my 3 hour long math paper. i didn’t read for it. i haven’t read for any of my papers so far. i missed half the classes for all my subjects, and didn’t hand in almost all my assignments. i’m not proud.


okay, okay, wait. let me back up a little. i’m a first year (first sem actually) engineering student. my major is robotics and mechatronics. i’m in a university a continent away from home, and this is my first time on my own. like really alone…you know? i came here knowing absolutely no one in this town, in this STATE, let alone in this uni. which was really hard for me considering the whole, you know, shyness + generally antisocial behaviour + extreme dislike of change that defines my personality. but i did it. i came here, and i made friends, and it’s not TOO bad, i guess. it’s weird that i’m such a different person here though – no boys, no alcohol except once, no girls, no naughtiness, no flirting…i pretty much define a GOOD girl. and that would make my friends back home laugh their asses off 😀 not that i’m usually thaaat bad, but it’s still a major change.

i know i’d already started off talking about it, but i’m tired. i really do want to talk about my school life though, because that’s the centre of WHO i am right now. next post? yup, next post… 🙂

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