February 22, 2011 § 4 Comments
So I’m going to cheat a little today. Obviously, it’s no longer the same week that I originally started Music Week in. But for once I want to finish something I’ve started, so I’m not going to post anything else until I’m done with all seven days regardless of however long it takes me in reality.
I’m also cheating today because I am not writing the lyrics to a song, but the words to a spoken word piece. But in reality, there’s no real difference, it’s all poetry. I think I have the words right (feel completely free to correct me) but obviously I’m not really sure of the most appropriate method to punctuate it when it’s written down. Sorry about that 🙂
Its beauty is announced as I…
Reminding me of the movements of an exotic dancer
Gracefully curving and circulating the space and objects
Imagine it representing myself
Therapeutic and ancient
It rests in the live cells of a tree
Waiting patiently to be released by the kiss of a flame
That existed long before it had been given a name
And after all that time it remains not the same –
Sadly it had to go through some catastrophic change
Now it circulates the air everywhere
Smoke polluted by cars in squares
I can smell it being burned over there
By those folks in those chairs
And we can’t seem to get a breath of fresh air anywhere
Smoke is symbolic
Its marking is evident
It’s ability to represent is simply magnificent
Burning as incense and using sacraments
I see these beautiful people’s lips
Puffing upon white cancer sticks
And our precious breathing lungs absorb the tar-filled smoke like a sponge
And it spreads out out attack children and everyone
Air is essential
Its cleanliness is fundamental
Its importance is undeniable
Its abuse is unjustifiable
And all this smoke is making breathing unbearable
And all that it affects is unexplainable
But I ask if you could take a look inside
And see exactly what it’s doing to your anatomy
Would you continue to pay $3.50 for a box of captivity?
‘Cuz they keep you addicted faithfully
Only for them to gain financially
Don’t you see?
Or are you unconsciously contributing to a destructive reality?
“It’s okay, it’s only me
This is how I choose to be
It helps me deal with my reality
I’m going through changes
Just let me be
Listen, I know you’re not proud
Your head is in a smoky cloud
But I gotta say it out loud
Get. It. Together.
Cigarette smoking is far from clever
It’s nasty for your health, your breath and for your long-time pleasure
Imagine being 50 years old
And having emphysema or lung cancer
And still smoking those sticks
Through the hole that they cut in your neck
Can’t even catch your breath
Can’t even have sex
So outta shape, no muscles to flex
Put that butt out and give it a rest
Plus why you so concerned about how you look on the outside
When you’re deteriorating your insides?
Inhaling that poison through your mouth
But toning up your hips and thighs?
What’s wrong with your eyes?
You’re not blind but you can’t see
Inhaling that shit obliviously?
Obviously you need to
If you’ve never heard of her, or had the opportunity to listen to one of her pieces, there are links throughout this post to her various sites, etc. It’s all really good stuff – I highly recommend that you check it out.
May 23, 2010 § 9 Comments
In the midst of life we are in death. Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
(Book of Common Prayer, The Burial of the Dead, First Anthem.)
Death leaves a wound that never quite heals. You can stitch it up, you can cover it with a bandaid, but it’s somehow always fresh, torn open by a sound, an image, a smell, a thought…a memory. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Some people may let the wound fester and never clean it and end up with a stinking pus-filled sore, but you can also accept that the wound will always be a part of you, and occassionaly fondly remember the body part that was once there and is now no more.
A year ago today, my sister lost one of her best friends, Esther, to cancer. They had been classmates all through high school, and then went on to medical school together and four of these best friends decided to move in together. I don’t know if you’ve ever lived with someone who you didn’t HAVE to live with (i.e. family)? It’s not easy. You have to adjust to someone else’s habits, you have to learn to be accommodating, you have to be accepting. I don’t know how they did it, but they all lived quite happily together. First year medical school is high stress. Then you go on to second year where not all the subjects you take are examinable that year, and you suddenly have a lot of free time on your hands. So my sister couldn’t understand why, despite all the time they had to just chill, Esther was still missing quite a number of classes. The thing is, she never told anyone she was feeling unwell and my sister chalked it up to laziness (she told me later how guilty she felt about that). Esther only finally admitted to being unwell when the physical manifestations of it couldn’t be ignored any more (her stomach had swollen and she looked pregnant), and even then, getting her to agree to a doctor’s appointment was a battle. The doctor told her it was a cyst and would have to be removed in surgery, and since there didn’t seem to be any real rush, her parents told her to wait until she was done with her exams. When she finally went for the surgery, they found it was cancer, so they removed what they could but ‘didn’t get all of it’.
I remember no one even told me it was cancer. I mean, I knew she was sick, but it was only when my mum let slip that Esther was going for chemo did it hit me how serious this all was.
Now the thing with cancer is it’s not just like you’re here today, gone tomorrow. No. It lays waste to your body until you become a skeleton of what you once were. It tests your faith in humanity, and your faith in God. It gives you hope, and then yanks it away from you again so suddenly that you’re left stunned. Esther was in and out of hospital, and at one point things were looking much better. The cancer had apparently shrunk and they were going to operate to remove the remaining bits. When they opened her up again, they discovered that nah, it had actually spread, and oh yay, we have to perform a hysterectomy on this 20 year old girl who loves kids. There were trips to South Africa, and trials of new drugs (“We heard that this worked for someone-we-know’s someone’s someone”), and an endless number of other hardships. And it was rough, to say the least.
Esther’s parents live in another country altogether, and though they would try to come down as much as possible, they couldn’t exactly just up and leave their jobs when they have so many children to support (six? seven?), all except one being in university, and a hospital bill that could make you weep. And so my sister and 3 others became her family. They were the ones who were let in the hospital at odd hours, the ones who slept in a chair through the night so that she wouldn’t be alone, the ones she asked for when she was so sick that she couldn’t talk, couldn’t move, couldn’t bare to be seen. And they sat with her, laughed with her, held her, texted her jokes at random hours, brought her music, threw her a birthday party in the hospital, and most of all, loved her.
I learned a lot from Esther, my sister and her friends. I learned what friendship means, I learned about selflessness, I learned to always ALWAYS fully appreciate the moments of joy you have in life regardless of how fleeting they are. This girl underwent the worst possible torture I can imagine, and still was the most positive person. I’m not saying she didn’t have her dark moments of anger, despair, desolation, but she remained a light in the lives of those around her.
On the 23rd of May 2009, Esther passed on. My sister saw her the day before, and Esther held on until her mother arrived (she was flying back home) before she finally let go. Even during her last hours, she was still selfless enough to give her mother a final gift of seeing her alive one last time.
I write this in tribute of Esther. It may not mean much to anyone, but she’ll always be a saint. Because this is written anonymously, it’s not meant to provide comfort to anyone, I’m simply honouring her memory. And she deserves to be honoured.
And I write this in tribute of my sister who, regardless of how we may not address emotions while together, will always be my role model, and my living breathing guardian angel. And the fact that she regards herself as the farthest thing from that, only makes me love her more.
And though I never mentioned his role in all this, I write this in tribute of my father. The greatest man I’ve ever known and will ever have the honour of knowing. To go into everything he did for Esther, her parents and my sister would take more time than I have. But I acknowledge that I have the greatest family, and I would give my life for any one of them. Any time. I’m blessed 🙂
Death is never easy, even when it’s inevitable. I can only hope there’s an after-life. There has to be a point to all this, right? After all, dying is the day worth living for (never thought I’d one day quote The Pirates of the Caribbean!), right?
We’re all going to die. So regardless of how cliché this may sound, get out there and LIVE!! I fully intend to.
One short sleep past, we wake eternally, and Death shall be sitting in the kitchen in his underwear at three in the morning, doing last week’s crossword puzzle (The Time Traveler’s Wife)
I read this once in one of the newspapers, and I figured I’d share it because it makes so much sense to me:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – glass of wine in one hand, chocolate in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, “WOO HOO, what a ride!”
Or as Michelle put it so eloquently when talking about Chris after he died (if you don’t know what I’m referring to, please be ashamed of yourself and find a way to watch Skins – the first generation. It’s poetry and magic on screen): “He said, ‘Fuck it, I’ll do it my way and the people that love me will understand why I’m doing it because they love me. Fuck it’.”
Death, be not proud, you stupid motherfucker.